When it comes to Talk”N ShopAMania, perhaps the second time is a charm…or something like that.
The brainchild of Luke Gallows, Karl Anderson and Rocky Romero returns to Fite.tv Friday night with “The Rise of The Torturer” — a follow up to their first-ever PPV which they deemed as the worst of all time.
Featuring the trio in roles from their popular podcast of the same name, the sequel is expected to feature the same level of comedy, guest stars and everything else you wouldn’t expect.
The only thing announced thus far is a Ball for A Ball match between Chad 2 Badd (Anderson) and Sex Ferguson (Gallows) with the deadler Torturer somewhere in the mix.
Our live coverage of whatever this will turn out to be kicks off at 10 PM Eastern. Get your beverages of choice and snacks ready.
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Clint Bobski (Chris Jericho) kicked it off running down the card, followed by him really running down the card after he thought the camera was off. This was his character in Southpaw Regional Wrestling. The show looks to be held in Gallows’ property like the first show.
Anderson got out of a black SUV with Romero rolling up in a kids’ Jeep Wrangler. Gallows then appeared via a puff of smoke saying he wouldn’t be outside with them. As they went to go get him, Vernon and the woman from the first show rolled out from under the ring making out.
We’re off and running.
The guys found Gallows in his bed, clad in a Goldust robe with his wife and Randall The Mannequin. He was talking in an English accent and drinking chamblis because of all the money they made on the first one.
Sex Ferguson drove up in a white pickup truck perfectly designed for him with a man (maybe his dad?) in the passenger seat. Four men with masks on appeared and attacked, kicking Ferguson in the junk.
We then went to Anderson, Romero, and CGI Gallows (seriously) at ringside ready to call the action. David Penzer is also back to handle ring announcing duties.
Rory Fox made his return after disappearing on the first show, cutting a promo with the guys talking over him and making fun of him the whole time. “Bask in my package,” he said before taking off his trunks to reveal thong underwear. Brian Myers and Swoggle (opponents on Saturday’s Impact Plus show) came out and said something relatively inaudible before Rimjob came out as Fox’s partner, equally clad in a thong.
Brian Myers and Swoggle defeated Rory Fox and Rimjob
The ref was wearing a hunter orange vest and a camoflaughe hat. The guys made fun of Myers for doing Matt Cardona’s moveset saying the would have booked him but he was trying to get into AEW. Swoggle hit an intentionally badly cut crossbody off the top for the win. They announced Myers as Cardona on his way out.
Fox turned on Rimjob with a belly to belly after the match and ran off like he did last time, getting lost. He then re-entered, complete with music, and put a leash on Rimjob as the guys laughed on commentary about there being stains on Rimjob’s underwear.
Romero interviewed Lazer as Detective Gregory Helms showed up, saying he’s investigating a murder. The body was shown right next to where the promo was being cut.
Frankie Coverdale was being introduced for a grudge match before Ball Lameman (a Paul Heyman ripoff) showed up as the advocie for Freight Train. Train then comically said “they f*cked up now” twice.
Freight Train (w/ Ball Lameman) defeated Frankie Coverdale
Coverdale never took off his jacket and was done up like a classic 80s jobber. Train was basically the worst wrestler intentionally, throwing offense that was laughably bad. He was out in a “I’m a Ball Lameman Guy” t-shirt.
Helms talked to the referee who was hunting.
A video package between Chavo Guerrero and Chico El Luchador aired with Guerrero challenging him to a lucha libre death match. Chico suggested they each pick their teams and we’re apparently getting this tonight.
Helms interviewed Sami Callihan and Madman Fulton who were drinking by the pool and holding hands. He then heard a noise and when he turned back around, both men were dead.
Teddy Long came out to cut a promo for Roll Undershead, a takeoff of Raw Underground. Bryce Cannon, Roman Rosell, Neil Koloff, another Russian, a “Johnny Stromboli off the sh*t” and a few other wrestlers brawled for a while. Lazer jumped out of a tree to lay everyone out. Long said it was the worst sh*t he had ever seen. Rhyno then hit a gore out of nowhere and attacked a few guys. A masked tommy Dreamer and then Justin Credible appeared and Rhyno suggested they go softcore instead of hard. They hit each other with beach toys and stuff animals before Dreamer told Rhyno to gore someone in the buffet area. Dreamer sanitized his hands and Credible laid down for the pin as everyone chanted, “You’re softcore.”
A masked man in a full body outfit appeared to lock a sleeper on Dreamer, putting him out and revealing himself to be Scott D’Amore from Impact. The other wrestlers asked why and he said because he has to sit in booking meetings with him. The guys then chanted for D’Amore to give them jobs before he walked away disgusted.
Helms was back interviewing a man in a blonde wig and a wrestler named Reptila (one of the Russians).
Noxtista (Mike Knox), Nathan Horton, Triple something and “Nature Boy” Paul Lee, playing Evolution showed up in a stretch Hummer but parked too far away. As they began their slow walk, the Triple H impersonator went to take a piss in the woods. As he came out, he spotted Mark Jindrak and ripped on the color of his suit. Jindrak said he’s an international star and speaks two languages before dropkicking Triple H.
George North vs. “Nature Boy” Paul Lee (w/ Nathan Horton and Noxtista)
Noxtista tripped when getting into the ring, a nod to a WrestleMania blunder he had that I don’t remember. The guys joked about the trademark Ric Flair has on “Whooo” and how many Os are in the trademark. They named the group Revolution, then Dickolution, and so on. Lee did a suplex on North’s neck that look like it hurt. The guys were laughing on how bad this was.
Lee had on the figure four which brought up Stump Kowalski who had a chair. They did some bad cuts again and Kowalski’s weapon changed two times. North picked up the win as he and Kowalski ran away. Noxtista then gave Lee a Batista bomb and prompted Horton to play to the crowd.
Helms was back, interviewing “Balls Deep Billy” who was on a dating app. Helms took the phone and then Billy disappeared.
This show really is something.
After an ad for a live podcast, Helms found Robert Gibson at his gimmick table and asked if he saw anything suspicious. Gibson said, “Ricky’s not here” and Helms walked away.
Lucha Death Match: Team Chico El Luchador vs. Team Chavo Guerrero Jr.
The guys kicked it to Chris Von Vliet who was in a second location in LA. It was portrayed as in a bad part of town.
Guerrero picked Watts, who had a chainsaw, El Luchador picked Alex Kozlow who came with a gun, Guerrero picked Kozlov’s mom, Luchador picked Socre, and Guerrero picked Taya Valkyrie. Guerrero asked to call a friend and the referee consulted “the rulebook” and said it was legal. He called JTG and Guerrero then picked the referee after consulting the rulebook again. Luchador picked a zombie and Guerero picked Sinn The Clown. Luchador looked around and Taylor Williamson, a comedian from America’s Got Talent who just happened to walk in.
JTG beat up Sinn, saying, “That was faster than your run in New York.” The Zombie then killed the referee before Valkyrie killed Score by ripping out his spine. Seriously. She then set her eyes on the Zombie before Kozlov took her out. His mom then tried to hit him with a belt and spank him before he jammed his thumb up her ass to take her out. Seriously. The Zombie then said he needed to pull his mask over his nose and they had a debate about how to wear a mask. Kozlov was then tossed a machine gun befor Zombie killed him too. Well, that is until Kozlov shot him. Did I really just write that?
Watts then asked who Williamson was and Watts about to beat him up, Luchador made the save. As they talked about social distancing, Guerrero appeared. They argued about if Guerrero had the coronavirus before getting into it. As Guerrero had the advantage, Kozlov’s mom and Valkyrie came in to back him up making Ric Flair jokes. JTG re-emerged and fired a bazooka at the heels. As he and Luchador celebrated, Guerrero appeared and stabbed JTG in the neck before then apparently killing Luchador with a crowbar.
It then cut to the cartoon Gallows, Anderson and Romero created as it was apparently in Luchador’s head. Jericho’s character appeared, along with Nzo, Ferguson, and Badd. They were preparing for their own street fight with wacky weapons. Luchador then got hit with a crowbar and knocked out which brought us back to the warehouse.
Williamson then killed Guerrero with a lightsaber. Everyone acted like it was real and Vilet then did a Twilight Zone-esque “Talk’nShop A Mania Zone” to finish it up.
Helms interviewed Air Paris in front of a barber shop window. Someone named “Marty” then put Helms through the window and ran away.
Ball For A Ball Match: Sex Ferguson vs. Chad 2 Badd
This was a rematch from the first PPV but the character of The Torturer (also Gallows) was part of the mix, promising to get involved somehow.
There was lots of ball shot gags, an extended sex swing spot, an attempted recreation of the Effy/Marko Stunt GCW Collective spot, and lots of guest appearances like Scott Steiner, Mr. Hughes, Virgil, Gangrel, Heath Miller dressed as Sting, Callihan and Fulton, Dave Wills (aka the “It’s real to me, dammit” guy), Robert Gibson, Gallows’ wife and Annie Cruz, and a few I’m probably forgetting.
There was also a truck spot where Ferguson’s balls were tied to a rope and Vernon backed up, rolling over his lover from earlier.
In the end, Karate Man Ethan Page appeared to summon some of those luminaries to unleash torture on both guys. Eventually, the Powers of Pain (yes, those guys) showed up to rip out both men’s balls, making the Torturer the winner.
This launched the CWO: the C*ck Torturer World Order. Yes, I just wrote that. Most of the people above are in the group and they did a promo at the end, complete with Virgil’s breadsticks.
In the credits, various others appeared to bury the show including our Bryan Alvarez, Gail Kim and husband, Ricky Morton, and porn star Julie Ann. Matt Cardona also appeared to challenge Rory Fox to a tuxedo match as their decades long rivalry continues.
Final thoughts:
Alright, then. I think you really have to be a listener of their podcast to really enjoy these shows. I love absurdist humor but I didn’t really find any of this to be that funny or entertaining. One thing that makes it hard is the audio quality as it’s difficult to hear most of the inside jokes which really make these shows worth it.
In any case, if you like weird wrestling stuff, this is for you. Keep your expectations low. Honestly, the guys wouldn’t have it any other way.
